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Yllabian Space Guppy's Bizarre Arcade Game Archive:

............"What were they thinking?!" is often the first thought that comes to mind when you see one of these video game oddities, which is usually followed by plenty of laughter. Over the years I think those incredibly long sleep deprived hours spent staring at graphic workstations, and possibly the consumption of too many caffeinated soft drinks, eventually took its toll on even the best video game designers. Thus were created some of the most truely bizarre and inappropriate video games to ever grace the arcades.

I personally don't remember ever seeing any of these games actually in the arcades, so perhaps their producers never gave the final go-ahead to release these weird creations. Or maybe these games were deemed so rediculous, they were just never adopted by the North American gaming public. Whatever the case, these rarities saw life, and here is the proof! All of the games listed in this archive can be legally downloaded (for conservation purposes?!) and are fully playable (MAME). Surprisingly, some of them are actually quite good! Ha ha.

Why painstakingly wade through all 4000 MAME games (!!!) to find that only 150 of them are either any good, or interesting enough to download and play?! Well, I've done just that for you, and believe me when I say, that it took days... Whew.. My advice is to download the 100 or so that are obviously excellent classics (ie. Galaga, Pacman, Stargate, etc.), and then peruse this archive to see if there are any others that may interest (or shock) you. Ha ha. All I have to say after all of my extensive MAME game research, is that the majority of the 4000 or so MAME games are completely unoriginal junk. My hope is that this archive will save you time in your search for worthy MAME downloads, make you chuckle, and possibly teach you something about video games that you didn't know before you visited this site.

And if you happen to find more games that are deserving of this bizarre list, by all means, fire me off an email with the info, and I'll add them to this page. In the mean time, Enjoy!

Thank-you to KiLLerCloWn at MAMEWORLD.NET for the membership and hosting privileges! Whew... That extra, much-needed bandwidth is just in the nick of time!!

Cheers,

YSG.

= Almost Normal

= Kinda Strange

= Bizarre

= Truely Wacked

= Insane

AMAZING MAZE	Yup, blew my mind. Fun though.
ANT EATER	It's like Pac Man crossed with Dig Dug, with aphids everywhere!
ARM WRESTLING	This is probably the only time in history that skinny nerds will be able to annihilate guys like "Texas Mac" in this sport. Ah, a feel good game...
ATAXX	This is proof that stunning artwork and sound can make even the most boring game cool.
BANK PANIC	Contestant. Would you care to see what's behind Door#1, Door#2, or Door#3?
BIO ATTACK	A biological adventure through the human body in this microscopic quest for health.
BUBBLES	Wash your troubles down the drain! But watch out for those scrubbies!
BULLFIGHT	Look! There's even a little horn playing section! Ha ha... RUN!.....
BUTASAN	You're a little pig wearing only blue polka-dot boxers... Need I say more?
CAPTAIN TOMADAY	I wasn't entirely sure what was going on in this game. Looks like it involves flying vegetables though, which are always a treat! If you figure it out, let me know. Looks interesting though!
CAVEMAN NINJA	Why don't they make more, imaginative games like this?!!? I swear if I see another R-Type, shoot-em-up space scroller clone, I am going to scream! (Sorry, but evaluating almost 4000 video games this week is making me a little edgy... Haha)
CHEYENNE	I always wanted to experience the wild west. Shoot up the saloon in this quick-draw aimer.
CHICKEN SHIFT	Don't let the eggs break as you guide them down the wooden termite infested ramps. The musical score accompanying this game is hilarious.
CHILLER	Somebody obviously forgot to tell the designer of this game about good taste. I'll bet $$$ that the creator of this embarrassment is now, or soon will be, behind bars. The crosshair is yours, and the blood (!) is on your hands as you progress through the torturous dungeons of this demented murder mystery.
CITY CONNECTION	Well, it's not Dukes of Hazzard, but it's the next best thing! Fly through the air in your little European subcompact, while evading the fuzz.
COSMO GANG THE VIDEO	I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank our video gaming friends across the Pacific, for coming up with such stuff... Whatever it is? :)
DINO REX	This is almost as bad as those old Godzilla vs. King Kong movies... You can just see the claymation figures attacking now, can't you? Check out the sexy garb on the spectators!
DOMINO MAN	Almost as fun as the real thing! You just know something's gonna come and knock 'em over before you're finished though, right? After all, what would a video game be without an antagonist?
DYNAMITE DUX	Cute, colourful, and those nice little dogs have BIG teeth! That seems to be a recurring theme in these bizarre games... Just when you think it's safe, there's gobs of blood about to be spilled.
ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE ROBOT MONSTERS	This game makes it into this archive for its name alone. Save the damsel in distress, by utilizing your 'ray gun'!
EXTERMINATOR	Winners don't do drugs. The game architect that dreamed up this, is obviously quite the loser then. Fry the critters with the pink lightning that shoots from your fingertips! Hey, nice house!
FAX	Gee, I don't know... Hmmm.... Umm... WHO CARES?!! This must have been designed to replace Golden Tee in the pubs. ....
FIRE TRAP	Digital Towering Inferno.
GANBARE GINKUN	I couldn't resist adding this one...
GO GO MR. YAMAGUCHI	Just the name of this put a smile on my face. Can you guess what it is about? :)
GRIDLEE	This cute little guy faces off against some really innovative characters on the game grid.
HATRIS	Tetris - Hat style.
HIT 'N MISS	Another classic Exidy target shooter... Nail the redneck!
HOUSE MANNEQUIN	Man, I'm not even going to ask...
HUSTLE	WOW! Check out the ASCII graphics on this one! I didn't even have the courage to play it... If you do, let me know if it's any good. ;)
I'M SORRY	Yeah, we're sorry too. At least it's upfront and honest before it steals your quarter. Collect $ and punch out the shady IRS agents.
IGMO	The designer obviously left his 3-year old niece to finish off, and name this game.
IRRITATING MAZE	Finally! A game that lives up to its calling! "Takes a very steady hand..." Just like that old board game you used to own. "Operation". Don't touch the edge! Or, ZAP!
J.J. SQUAWKERS	You're an angry green flightless pterodactyl in red shoes (I'd be annoyed too) that beams flying Japanese squirrels with tomatoes.
JOURNEY	Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!... But seriously, the last thing I want to see is a miniature digitalized mugshot of Steve Perry's face looking at me an entire game. Maybe it's just me, but I never idolized this band THIS badly. Oh why couldn't they have made an AC/DC game in which you get to be a head banging Angus Young instead?!
MARCHEN MAZE	I don't know why, but this game kinda reminds me of that movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Deac out the relentless candy-coloured rolly-pollies.
METRO CROSS	This is supposed to be like an urban futuristic version of the Summer Olympics. Watch out for that hurdle... DOH!
MIKIE	Pass that note to the class cutie, before the teacher sees you! ..
MOON WALKER	I remember hearing rumours about this game, but fortunately never had the privilege of seeing it. Yes folks, there's actually a Michael Jackson based video game. Slap the bad guys with your glove, grab your crotch, and scream like a girl - "Ohhhhh!" .........
NECK-N-NECK	Horse racing! Sa-weet! Kind of like that carnival squirt gun game at the fair. Too bad you don't get to win any of those oversized stuffed animals though...
NEW FANTASIA	Saddam Hussein stars in this goofball XXX arcade game. I just want to know what type of person would substitute video-girlies for the real thing? Get a LIFE people! My God...
PEGGLE	A fast paced and weird, peg pounding trackball game.
PHOZON	Learn about the Periodic Table of Elements, and Molecular Structure in this puzzling chemistry lesson.
PIG NEWTON	OK, from chemistry we now re-visit physics - You're a pink pig nestled high in an apple tree, bombarding the big bad wolves below.
PIGSKIN 621 AD	Apparently football pre-dates rugby. Amazing! That must be where they got the wussy idea for helmets and padding... All jokes aside, this game's a riot!
NEW ZEALAND STORY	You're a little orange kiwi bird in this geographically educational (?), mario-type colourfully animated adventure. It's a wonder that such a creative game ended up with such an seriously uninspiring, lack-lustre name.
POWER SPIKES	Video Arcade volleyball... Cool.
NINJA CLOWNS	I guess the makers of Double Dragon got bored and extra creative one day...
RAZZMATAZZ	Target the cute flying yellow rubber duckies in your 'sites and then de-feather them mid-air. Blam!
REACTOR	Chill the nuclear power plant core before it blows! Terrific soundtrack and fast, addictive game play.
ROCK 'N RAGE	Ok get this. Your band is thrashing in concert on stage, and mid-riff, space alien monsters suddenly appear, disturbing your sweet guitar solo, and then rudely abduct you and your band mates. Pissed off, you seek revenge on the creeps by bashing them with your instruments.
SCREW LOOSE	Keep your robot from literally flying apart as you dodgily navigate the playfield. If things go awry, pick up all your lost appendages quick! Nice name - Do you think they were counting on the double-meaning to attract horny geeks?
SHUUZ	Video game horse-shoes. Who knew?! Must have been marketed in the retirement homes. ???
SNACKS 'N JAXSON	Umm... This one almost defies description. You're a breakfast eating, sneezing clown with a slinky neck and a bouncing red nose. Race the clock and your nose to get your fill of the floating munchies that magically drift across the room. I'm thinking there were some serious fatties being smoked when this game was being rendered.
SNAKE PIT	Show the googley-eyed snakes who's da man. Whip these slimy slitherers back to wherest they came, Indiana Jones style.
SPLATTER HOUSE	There's a homicidal psycho on the loose, and it's you! Don your hockey goalie's mask and create some graphic horror. (And I mean graphic - no expense has been spared in animating the violent slaughter in this one) Parental Guidance Advised..............
STOMPIN'	Squish the ants before they steal all your lunch!
TIMBER	Quickly hack down all the beautiful trees growing in your rat-bastard neighbour's front yard before he sees you!
TURBO TAG	A Volkswagen Beetle smash up derby in a parking lot. Kind of like an automobile musical chairs - See if you can make it to the parking stall in one piece!
TURKEY SHOOT	You play sharp-shooter against a vile gang of marauding gobblers. Your task - Save the town from these foul, fowl!
WALL STREET	Catch the suicidal leaping stock brokers in your net before they go splat on the pavement. Hmm... Must have been conceived after the suddenly mysterious video game decline of the late 80s, or in anticipation of the big Dot-Com fallout.

More Keen Observations, Facts, and Comments from the Peanut Gallery:

- Longest video arcade game title (by one syllable only!): "Moriguchi Hiroko No Quiz De Hyuuhyuu"

- WHY would anybody bother emulating any more mahjongs after the first one?! There are, like a thousand of them that look all the same!

- Less than 5% of released arcade games were "successful". Think about those odds the next time you are playing one of the incredibly rare, and beautiful, classic video games.

- Most knocked-off games: Pacman, Xevious, Tetris, Scramble, Space Invaders, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter

- How come Japanese video game titles often repeat the same word? ie. Lot Lot, Ki Ki Kai Kai, Van Van Car, Money Money, Poto Poto, Yam Yam, Zing Zing Zip... to name just a few. Hmmm...

- The most number of games starting with the same word: "Space"

- Most appearances of a single character in the arcade: "Mario"

- For every one good video game, there are approximately 40 non-worthy, garbage can clones.

Funniest Arcade Game Names:

Click HERE to VOTE for your Favourite Classic Arcade Video Game!

Webstrategy Communications

2002

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